I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
