I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
