Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
this will be a night to untag.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
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