Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
