Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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