yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
