He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
