remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
