pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
