He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
