3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
