Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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