I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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