He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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