I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
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