there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
