we have officially lost it.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Randomize
