he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
