is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
