please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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