9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
