So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
