Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
She announced her abortion via fbk
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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