is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
