He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
