But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
