How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
It's official drugs can't kill me
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
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