you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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