On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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