I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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