Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
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