I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
