do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
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