I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
