Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
