My boss' voice literally gives me gas
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Randomize
