I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
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