Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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