I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
