I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
