I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize