I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
