Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
