And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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