these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
