Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
