please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
What happened to fro yo and sex?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
