Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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