it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
It's shark week go big or go home
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
