if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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