there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
two words: eviction party
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
