It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
