Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Buhtt sex?
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
