just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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