I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
