I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
You smell like stripper and shame
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I have feelings that need drinking.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
