fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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