shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
