Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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