Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
