when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
