I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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