You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize