and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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