I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
