is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
