She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
