you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
