It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
