Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
