I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Randomize
