are you still at the devil's house?
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
