I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
