I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
