dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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