She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
